The Hindus never ate beef*

*except
charmakars (cobblers) did,
bhattas (soldiers) did,
natas (actors) did,
and so did Dasas & Medas & Vratas & Bhillas,
all sunk their teeth afresh,
when served cow's flesh,
&
they were joined by (drum-beat) Vedic Gods,
Indra was fond of bull's meat,
& Agni loved both bull and cow,
& old books even suggest how
& what kind of cow should be
sacrificed for which God, see
that you get
a dwarf ox for Vishnu,
& a big horned bull for Indra,
& a black cow for Pushan, & etc. etc.,
so that whenever the Gods were in the mood,
"verily the cow [was] food,"
and secretly, even now,
the Bhakts who have a beef but still eat it,
they always heave a sigh of relief,
knowing their Vivekananda
(they don't know how to treat it, it shakes their belief)
liked Biceps, Bhagwad & [yolo] Beef.


(thanks to B.R. Ambedkar and Ram Puniyani)