There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
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Why do they bury lawyers 27 feet under? 'Cuz deep, deep down, they're good people!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? It might be your bicycle.
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What do you do if you run over a lawyer? Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
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What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure.
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